A Broken Line

Chosen Prompt: Tramlines, Fiction. 2000 words. OU (Open University)

“When I the story of the dreamful youth had found,

It had told of a place both uncouth and unbound;

A place full of the frolic swallows;

Desolate of the painful sallows.

And if you of that story eager to know,

Wallow with me in the callow realms below.”

That day was etched into my psyche and kick-started my consciousness. The sun was at its zenith, looking down at us and lulling life into an intoxicating sleepless sleep when its soliloquy was interrupted by a mirthful voice, pulsing with a static noise, emanating from a wooden box:

“1913 shall be known as a historic day! The century-long-awaited revolution is here! Damascus is walking side by side with the industrialised world. The European ingenuity was commissioned by his majesty Sultan Abdul Hamid; may god prolong his life. The Hejaz railway is finally open to the public. Rejoice, brothers and sisters, we could finally reach Mecca on the wings of revolution”.

“I was a child of four then”, my grandfather had told me.

“We didn’t manage to get rid of our agricultural gown, but the Hejaz station helped us break free from the siege of time on our cities. We felt that we could reach out our hands and grab the world.

“I remember myself”, he continued, “dragging one of my toys behind me: a handmade wooden horse attached to a cord. Leaving my house through the garden, I descend into the back street. It wasn’t a street then. It was a muddy, rocky neighbourhood brimming with wild Cactus and Jasmin. But amidst the arid environs, there lays a new, shiny, and drawn-out object that spanned across in a panoramic view. I run towards it, dragging my horse and bumping it against rocks and vegetation. But when I reach the shiny thing, I bend over with shaky legs and touch it. Its brutal coldness seeps into me, forcing my heart to pump back in resistance through my palm against the cold surface. But the metal replies by shaking the earth below my feet. The vibrations build up within me into a giggle that gets disrupted by the shouts of my mother, followed by a monstrous shriek. I instinctively look to the left, spotting the approaching juggernaut: a black-eyed beast with a steaming nostril, foaming angry smoke in hysteria. I freeze, as you might expect, not in fear but in awe. 

I survive, of course, because my father, alarmed by my mother, rushes over and grabs me by the waist. My old wooden toy gets smashed. I look up, and I see smiling faces waving at me through windows. I laugh”.

“Your great-grandfather was profoundly altered after that day”, my grandfather explained. “Change was approaching, rapid and fast, faster than our people could comprehend. The station was decommissioned in 1920 during the Great Arab Revolt, but the crescendo of developments never ceased to stop. The metaphoric train of revolution kept on going, and its force persisted. It survived through me, and I hereby attempt to kindle it in you”.

This is what I still remember of his story. My grandfather is long gone, but his house and the railway are still there. His story had so passionately altered me that in 2020, I decided, against the advice of my family, to visit the home of my ancestors.

Damascus, during that time, was a city downing in the marches of Styx. With the crescendo of catastrophes playing for a century, she was hanging between worlds in delirium. But when the stifling epidemic gave the war-torn country a breather, the lunatics and the emotionally chained saw an opportunity. I seized that chance. 

I will save you, dear reader, the logistical troubles of my journey to Damascus. But what you ought to know is that I managed to arrive safely. And that I stood right there on the spot that my grandfather spoke of, the spot where progress was rolling, steaming with passion. Below is a detailed account of what I remember:

I leave the taxi three blocks from the decommissioned station because the taxi refuses to drop me any closer, scared for his safety. It is late in the afternoon. Street lamps are off, and shadows are invading corners and alleys.

As I approach the station, I notice its modern occupants: a local militia, a group of young boys claiming to uphold the neighbourhood’s safety. I do not attempt to sneak into the passenger quarter, but I look for an opportunity to get to the courtyard and into the rails without being spotted. Waiting for the sky to put on its concealing garments, I sidestep into one of the alleyways lurking. As I squint, probing the façade, I notice a yellowish moss possessing the building, covering its blackened corners and columns: survivors of bombings and fires. The once majestic herald of progress is now a rabid mule, a burden for its owners. But then I spot a chance. The side fence is unguarded and fully draped with the night shadows. I manage to sneak in, skipping into the courtyard.

I had once imagined it to be a facsimile of Eden, embellished with Arabic calligraphy, adorned with lavish Turkish gardens, and gushing with yodelling fountains. I had envisioned it full of muscled trains capable of dragging enlightenment forcibly across the continents.

The court is nothing like that. It seized to be the portal for adventure and became the bottleneck of misery. It is stacked with dilapidated tents, full of moving silent skeletons. They spot me, but their drooping, weary eyes seem unable to see me. And what is left of the dismantled trains is but the junk that is hard to sell, pilling in stacks of rusting corpses.

I walk past the tents and towards the rails. It takes a while to find them, or rather what’s left of them: continuous marks of rust marching towards darkness, towards its original destination: Hejaz.

I trudge forward, burdened with thought and anticipation for a good chunk of the night. When I finally stop and look around, I spot the Jasmin and the Cactus creeping up through cracks in the neglected asphalt. And to my right, I see a flashing sign: 

No trespassing allowed, detention centre.

I weep.

Of Morning Pages

The soft smell of the gentle morning rain tickling my eager lungs, and the clangs of joyful platters abundant in earthy gifts seeped into the elemental morning symphony. Shy French balconies peaked over my head begging for a moment of attention, begging for a pinch of contemplation. My finger tips warm with anticipation rushed over the glyphs of antiquity, out of focus, away from me and plunged into the delicious nectar of the muses. While I sat dazed and reeking of bordeaux coloured hymns drunk on words that sobered with love, channelling the revelations of the ether into the tongue of man.

Of Morning Pages

I have skipped a day.

I have lost a beat. 

The lost ripple ruined me.

The serenity of my monotonic symphony got disrupted.

Within the ebb, I got lost; I lived without a purpose, confused, anxious, alone. 

In the shadows between the waves of imagination, I felt cold.

But never again. Never again shall I sit idle. Never again shall I waiver. Never again shall I be eclipsed.

Arise in the name of the muses.

Arise in the name of Apollo.

Hold the sword of humanity and march: march into the unknown and conquer the oblivion of your meagre existence; march with the greats hand in hand and page by page. Write on the pages of time, write for the future, write for us.

Stand up, my child. The future will, surely, be yours shall you embrace your present. Ripple by ripple shall you create till, one day, the advent of the surge.

Metamorphosis

A free writing exercise:

You could say I was thinking of other things when I shampooed my hair blue, and two glasses of red wine didn’t help my concentration. “It ain’t half bad! I just need to lift my hair. Voila! I might be able to blend in! But can I do it? Should I do it?” I stepped away from the mirror, mumbling to myself, thinking that I needed to pour myself more of the wine I kept hidden behind the mirror. “God, give me courage”, I told the transformed girl in the reflection as I reached for the wine bottle.

“Rasha, hurry up; we can’t stay here any longer.”

I ignored the calling, not because I didn’t understand the severity of the situation but because I hadn’t mustered the courage to do what needed to be done yet. I grabbed the bottle by the neck, bit and spat the cork, and chugged the rest of the wine. “Hurry up, wine, I don’t have time for you either,” I told myself as my father pushed the bathroom door violently and hit me in the back, spoiling my gulps, my mood, and my clothes.

“Rasha, what in the name of God are you doing?”

“What do you think I was doing?”

“What have you done to your hair? And where is your scarf?”

“Do I have to explain that now? I changed its colour.”

“I can see that, but why have you done that? Why now? We don’t have time for your… for such silly things.”

“…”

“God! Have you been drinking? This is not how I raised you. We have had this discussion before. This is the worst time to be drunk.”

“I thought that the wine could help.”

“Help with what? Have you lost your mind? We must leave RIGHT NOW!”

“I know! Why do you think so little of me? I have done it before. I know exactly what needs to be done.”

“The only thing that you need to do is pack your stuff and listen to me, like always.”

“No.”

“What do you mean? didn’t you pack?”

“This is not what I meant.”

“For god’s sake, not now, Rasha. I don’t have time to deal with you.”

“I mean, no, I am not following your lead this time. I am old enough to make my own decisions.”

“You are only eighteen, drunk and with blue hair. You obviously don’t know what you are talking about. I am not going to repeat myself, Rasha. Be a good girl and follow me. We must leave the city before dawn.”

“I told you I am not doing this. I will stay here this time. I will not leave my friends and home again. I am sick of all this travelling. I am sick of running away.”

“Rasha, let us go to a safe place first, then we can discuss your plans. I must ensure that your brother and sister are away and safe. I must protect them. I must protect you.”

“This is why I have done all of that: the drinking, the hair. I have changed. I don’t need your protection anymore. I have had enough of it.”

I didn’t want to give my newly found drunk resolution a chance to waiver, so I pushed my dad and left the bathroom, put on my khaki jacket, picked up my backpack, then bumped into my mom down on the stairs towards the living room.

“Mom! I am leaving. I am not going to follow father anymore.”

“I know.”

“How could you…?”

“You are my daughter.”

“Sorry, mom.”

“You don’t have to apologise. I would have done the same.”

“I can’t do it all over again. I want to protect you…like my father always says but not in that way. Not in his way.”

“I know, sweetie.”

“Ten years ago, we were forced to leave Aleppo, our home. I will not go through that pain again. This time I refuse to run away, and I refuse to stand idle. This time I can resist. I have grown stronger. Kharkiv is my new home, and I am not giving up on it. I am old enough to volunteer. If it comes to fighting, I will fight. And if it comes to bleeding, I will bleed. I belong here, mom. I have learned their language, and I have changed my looks. They will accept me now. They have to. They need me. They need to know that they shouldn’t run away. They have to take charge of their own destiny. That’s why I can no longer remain hidden. And I can no longer keep the veil”.

“I am proud of you, Rasha”. I reached for her hand, as she uttered these words, and kissed it, then darted towards the door ignoring the shouts of my father.

I ran away, leaving my past behind me. I left it sobbing and choking by a heavy air of uncertainty in my throat and an abyss of murky dread in my limbs that the gulps of wine didn’t manage to wash away. I went out into the dark, heading towards the unknown, unguarded and unveiled, deep into Shevchenkivskyi district when the sirens broke away the silence of the cold dawn. It is war!